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Belize
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NOTES BEER: Belikan-The only beer readily available in Belize. Frothy and surprisingly good. Beware of deceptive bottles. They look regular size, but are in fact smaller. To make up a dozen cold ones, buy at least fourteen to avoid disappointment. Belize does have laws regarding drinking and driving, but don't be surprised to pass a Belizian driver motoring along in his 1980 Ford Galaxy, hauling back on a cool Belikan. (don't try this at home) SPEED LIMITS: There are speed limits, but as there is no police radar, no one pays any attention to them. IGUANAS: The Mayan version of the hamburger. Agressive to each other (Many males are missing sections of their tail) Almost every tree in the interior has an Iguana lounging in it's branches. Easily caught, they make a great main dish at Mayan barbeques. As the West moves into Belize, Iguana McNuggets are sure to follow. TOUCANS: Common in the interior, these birds have oversized beaks with matching egos. If there are more than two in a tree, they will be sure to make their presence known. The Ed McMahon's of the bird world. TOUCAN MATCHES: The official match of Belize. As the Belizians tell you, "only two can". You can easily go through five matches before one will light and actually stay lit. WARNING: The match that does light will probably explode on you. Easier to set fire to a bucket of water, than light a Toucan. TAXES: Because of universally low incomes and the impossibility of monitoring those incomes, the govt. has imposed crippling import duties. A $6.00 shovel in Canada may end up costing as much as $60.00 by the time it gets to Pedro's hardware store in Belize. SNAKES: Central America has it's share of nasty things that crawl, slither and bite. Belize is no exception. The Fer-de-Lance being one of the more unpleasant snakes. A small diamond headed snake with a venomous bite. (one killed a cow a few days before I arrived in Cayo) SPIDERS: The Tarantula finds Belize's climate agreeable too. Making their homes in holes in the ground, these spiders are the size of a small rat and look a bit like boxing promoter Don King on a good hair day. Unlikely to bite unless provoked, if one should get bitten, a local remedy is 1/2 teaspoon of salt in a glass of water. FOOD: Generally superb and lots of it. Chicken seems to be in almost everything and fish is plentiful. WARNING: I had a Tamale at a roadside stand that contained most of the chicken, including the bones. Mike's New Jungle Bar at the south end of Placencia serves delicious little meat pies. (one for $1.25, or two for $2.50) DISEASES: Malaria is relatively rare in Belize, but with the influx of Guatamalan Indians across the border, they have been bringing it with them. Chaa Creek is strangely mosquito-free. The cottages don't even have bug screens. The water is generally safe to drink, but as we North Americans are used to chlorinated water, what lurks in the local water will probably affect you in the first few days. Be safe, drink bottled water if you can. Better still, drink beer. Most of the larger resorts like Chaa Creek have their water tested periodically and it's supposedly safe to drink. WHAT TO BRING: Most of the guide books recommend you stock up on film, batteries, pepto-bismol, etc.. with you, as it is either not available or too expensive. THIS IS BULLSHIT! Most stores in Belize are fairly well stocked. Besides, why not give your $ to a local Belizian shopkeeper supporting their families instead of making the shareholders of another faceless North American mega-store richer? |
Young man if you wanna ask me, Hanging below more powerful Mexico to the north and more seedy Guatamala to the east and south, Belize has a precarious existance, made more precarious by the departure of the British forces that have been protecting Belize from predatory Guatamala. Although there will be the BDF (Belize Defence Force) remaining to defend the country from attack, some Belizians have voiced doubts as to their effectiveness and question whether the BDF can remain impartial in a VERY politically polarized country. To get an idea of how polarized Belize is, pick up any one of the half dozen weeklies that come out on Wednesday. (all dated the following Saturday) Each one rabidly supports one or the other of the two political parties. The UDP, (United Democratic Party) or the PUP. (Peoples United Party) Both names classic oxymorons. Supporters of both parties are completely absorbed in slagging each other other off via their newspapers. Laws of libel mean absolutely nothing to Belizian editors who have happily adopted the 'American supermarket tabloid code of ethics'. A favorite topic is government corruption. In one case, a government member switched parties in exchange for a rental car with free gas. Belize is a mixture of races: White, Creole, Garifuna and Mayan. The Creoles tend to think of themselves as a superior race, with the Mayans relegated to servant status. Odd, considering that the Mayans were building cities that had everything except a 7-11 before the Creoles even existed and Europeans were still figuring out which end of the club to use. Despite opression and poverty the Mayans are a gentle lot. Friendly and very intelligent. Unfortunately for the Mayan children, few make it past grade 4. the cost of school books, uniforms and board in a distant town is too much for the average Mayan parent. Walk through the ruins of the Mayan city of Xuntanich in Cayo district, or Tikal in Guatamala. It's a tragedy to think that the decendants of those that built these civilizations are changing bedsheets in luxury resorts. Belize City features weekly murders, daily muggings, unemployment and suicides. Not to dissimilar from our own Nort American cities. Belize City's only hope for redemption is that the surrounding mangrove swamps are being cleared for development, opening the city up to the next hurricane. As most of the city is below sea level, or very close to it, it's only a matter of time before the entire city floats out to sea. Avoid staying in Belize city if at all possible. CAYO DISTRICT It isn't until you drive out of Belize city that you start to get a feel for the real Belize. Every second roadside shanty seems to either have a bar or a grocery store attached. There are no convenience stores to scar the landscape and transportation is sparodic, (most buses are retired U.S. school buses. The largest bus line being the BATTY BROS.) The further you drive along the paved Western highway, the wilder it gets. An hour out of the city you'll pass the Belize Zoo. Don't pass it. It's one of the few zoos that allow the animals to roam free. Most of the residents are pets and all have names. Another hour further on are the foothills and San Ignacio. Reached by a steel bridge over the Macal River, San Ignacio is the commercial center of Cayo. For information on where to stay and what to do, most travellers stop in at Eva's. CHAA CREEK Six miles east from San Ignacio and ten miles from the Guatamala border, Chaa Creek Cottages are just that. Cottages. All with palm-thatch roofs and spectacular views of the Macal River and mountains beyond. Built over a period of years by Mick and Lucy Fleming, Chaa Creek has become a haven for German hikers, American kayakers, Canadian birdwatchers, British cyclists (why do the British punish themselves so?) and the ever present roving packs of eco-grannies. Besides the cottages, which are delightfully appointed with comfy beds, hot water, showers and colourful Guatamalan tapestries, (oil lamp-light only, no electricity, except at the bar and kitchen.) there is a bar and restaurant. In the bar, as in the rest of the resort, all the staff are Mayans from villages scattered around Belize. As in all decent establishments, everyone at some point ends up in the bar. The restaurant next to the bar serves serves superb meals from an ex-New York chef. Very pleasant dining, despite occasionally being seated with couples from the U.S., who can do nothing but talk about their investment portfolio and the problems of interior decoration. Don't worry about locking your door at Chaa Creek. You don't get a key anyway. Besides, even if you could lock your door, there isn't any glass in the windows -just Louvered shutters.Crime appears to stop at the Belize city limits. 
While at Chaa Creek, a must-do is a canoe trip down the Macal River, to the village of San Ignacio. The trip takes roughly two hours, depending on how energetic you feel with a paddle. (Visions of icy Belikans at Eva's can shorten the trip to 90 minutes...) The Macal river flows past trees groaning under the weight of enormous lounging iguanas. Occasionally a more careless iguana will lose it's footing and drop to the forest or river below. Besides iguanas doing the backstroke, the Macal River is home to piranhas. Smaller and more even tempered than their South American cousins, these fish are more likely to nibble your corns than tear flesh off your leg. As well as a great transportation route, the river also serves as laundry and car wash for the locals. Another reason not to drink the water... PLACENCIA An old fishing village and refuge for the Acadian French after the British tossed them out of Maritime Canada. Placencia is on the cusp of being discovered by eco-tourists. Like most small Belize towns, Placencia welcomes these new visitors, with accommodation ranging from $140-per-night rustic resorts, to a place to lay your sleeping bag in someones hut for under $5. Placencia is best accessed by small plane from Belize city. There is a road, but driving it is only recommended if you don't have any fillings in your teeth. Rum Point Resort is on the upper end of the scale, with dinner included in the price. Catering to the tourist that doesn't want to be disturbed, Rum Point has cottages hidden among the palm trees and guests are left to their own devices. Including serving yourself (be honest now) from the bar. Placencia has fabulous unspoiled beaches and a waterfront bar that can only be reached by negotiating a 50 ft. catwalk out over the water. The bar itself sits perched precariously on stilts, defying hurricanes, building codes and the law of gravity. The prospect of attempting the return journey in the dark is a good argument for moderation. Civilization took Placencia by storm a few years back, when the main path through the village was upgraded to a 3 foot wide strip of cement.If Detroit starts manufacturing three foot wide 4x4's, Placencia is doomed. 
SAN PEDRO, AMBERGRIS CAY The other end of the scale from Placencia. Where Placencia is laid back and unspoiled, San Pedro is loud, brash and jammed with overweight tourists crammed into golf carts careening down sandy streets, shuttling between hotel and burger bar. In the twilight of their existence, these golf carts are still doing sterling service, carrying many times their GVW. Fortunately, there are no highway weigh scales on Ambergris Cay. There are two ways to get to Ambergris Cay: By plane from Belize city, (boring) or by boat from Belize city (exciting). Don't go to the ferry dock too early, or the local low-lifes will do their best to relieve you of your valuables. During our wait, we were glommed onto by an individual who was a walking pharmacy of mind-altering drugs. It was only when I threatenmed to alter more than his mind, that he left us alone. You will most likely share the ferry trip with locals, livestock, hippies and enough gasoline fumes to kill off what brain cells the Belizian 1 Barrel Rum has left you with. (Health tip: Stay away from 1 Barrel Rum. It is the alchoholic equivalent of a mugging). Get a spot on the roof of the boat. The scenery is spectacular and you'll live longer. Belize. It's cool. I only hope we don't spoil it. |
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